I See You Driving 'round Town

I don't know what to say.

But I need to write.

I'm dying.

A horrible death, from the inside out...

There's so much, so much, so much, so much.

I can't keep it forever, but someday someone will take it so it won't matter then.

That'd be nice.

That'd be nice.

My thoughts are hard to get going, they keep trying to put a halt on themselves
so I can go back to older thoughts.

Not old. Just not new. I'm tired of them. They hurt. I cried. I cry. Crying. Falling. Fallen.

Though there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best.

There aren't many words for this kind of pain. Atleast, I don't know them.

A slap in the face. That's what it was. It still stings. Stings more than any real slap I've ever had.

Trust me, I've had a lot. I'm breaking.

That's okay though, I always have been. I figure, someday, I'll meet someone who will help me out. Atleast, if they break me, they'll care to put me back together.

I'm dying.

A horrible death, from the inside out...

At Night

When we close our eyes at night is when we really let our thoughts wonder, I think. Even during the day I find myself holding back, protecting my thoughts. Afraid that a passerby will accidentally slip into them and judge me based on them. That's why I can't think until night. Where no one else is around to hear me or my thoughts. But even then, I'm never really alone. Always someone is near me, in the same room or the other. Close.

Hide under the covers, no one can penetrate the shield they provide. Bring yourself to say the things you'd never say otherwise. Tell yourself, "This world, really isn't alright".

Think the thoughts you would think, and let yourself think them freely.

~*~

I can't figure it out, why do I always let my heart do this? Oh, but he's so amazing. So nice. So kind. But I wonder if I don't do it because of some masochistic tendencies.

His smile makes this burst of warmth spread through my chest. I wish it didn't.