Something Odd

I was struck with a mental image today:

The fountain of youth, flowing with blood.

Some meaning is hidden there, some message from my subconscious, it must be.

Perhaps my perception of the world is getting smaller, it's because I can't see the stars in Norman.

But I missed Norman while I was away, despite its lack of sparkling companions, and I think I was the only one. I'd much rather gather the people I care about and bring them with me than go back to Sand Springs.

All my friends are rooted people, stuck where they came from. I'm like a tumble-weed, I just sort of go where the wind takes me and exist at the time in that place. It's not hard for me to leave everything behind, to move on and become something different. I've been ready for the freedom of college for years now and it's great to finally have it.

Then people look at me and think I don't value that sense of family. I do, I just don't know it. I've never felt it, not really. I care deeply about individuals in my life but I don't feel any iron connection to them. It's sad. I want to, but I don't. I was more than ready to leave my family behind in Sand Springs and begin pursuing my life. Ready to wave goodbye to my mom and sister and say "Good luck." as I run towards my own direction, and then I look over and my friends reluctantly, slowly, let go of the embrace they have their family's in. Still they hold on by their fingertips, grasping at them, never wanting to truly let go. I wonder, what am I missing in me that I don't want to hold on?

I'm in a frazzled, frustrated, and confused state right now. I blame Andy.

So I'll Say

Something inspirational while all the while leaving you with a twang of sadness.

Taste the colors and feel the mood on your fingertips.

And a special note:

I'm reaching out and hoping, hoping, I can show you my smile through words.

Give you a hug with my whispers.

Tell you all of this without forgetting to put some meaning in it.

Do you know what my heart looks like?

For as long as you're the one looking at it,

it'll be a mirror.

To my friends:

Here we go.

Don't look back,

there's not enough time.

Just look forward and remember what you've passed.

If you take the time to stay in the past,

you'll miss the future.

So here we go,

not knowing how this story will end,

but knowing how it's begun.

Knowing what's happening,

wondering if I can stop it and help it,

wondering if I'm meant to be there for all of it.

Knowing,

knowing,

that things will always change.

Hoping,

hoping,

that they will stay the same.

I'm Feeling Like a Tea Kettle

My whistle's blowing and I'm ready to explode.

College is stressful and I haven't even gone to class yet, great.

I miss Andy. Out of all the things I left behind in Sand Springs I don't miss much because I know it'll be there when I get back. But at the same time, I don't want to feel that way because I don't want to take those things or people for granted....

Hope the next week goes well, I'm sure it will.