Something Odd

I was struck with a mental image today:

The fountain of youth, flowing with blood.

Some meaning is hidden there, some message from my subconscious, it must be.

Perhaps my perception of the world is getting smaller, it's because I can't see the stars in Norman.

But I missed Norman while I was away, despite its lack of sparkling companions, and I think I was the only one. I'd much rather gather the people I care about and bring them with me than go back to Sand Springs.

All my friends are rooted people, stuck where they came from. I'm like a tumble-weed, I just sort of go where the wind takes me and exist at the time in that place. It's not hard for me to leave everything behind, to move on and become something different. I've been ready for the freedom of college for years now and it's great to finally have it.

Then people look at me and think I don't value that sense of family. I do, I just don't know it. I've never felt it, not really. I care deeply about individuals in my life but I don't feel any iron connection to them. It's sad. I want to, but I don't. I was more than ready to leave my family behind in Sand Springs and begin pursuing my life. Ready to wave goodbye to my mom and sister and say "Good luck." as I run towards my own direction, and then I look over and my friends reluctantly, slowly, let go of the embrace they have their family's in. Still they hold on by their fingertips, grasping at them, never wanting to truly let go. I wonder, what am I missing in me that I don't want to hold on?

I'm in a frazzled, frustrated, and confused state right now. I blame Andy.